The quality of insults on this site has really gone down (you sinners
know who you are). Someone made a collection of higher quality
insults, and I'm including them here for your inspiration.

Do try to do better in the future.

Here's a warning for the more literate among you: don't drink coffee
while reading these, the chances are you'll ruin your keyboard.





*WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS*
*(USING NO FOUR LETTER WORDS)** *



These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with
words
was still valued, before a great portion of the English
language got boiled down to four letter words, uttered by
monosyllabic idiots, not to mention the same jerks, waving
middle
fingers.



The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said,
"If you were my husband I'd give you poison,"
and he said,
"If you were my wife, I'd drink it."


A Member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die
on
the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends,
Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or
your mistress."



"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr




"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill



"A modest little person, with much to be modest
about."
- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many
obituaries with
great pleasure."- Clarence Darrow





"He has never been known to use a word that
might send a reader to
the dictionary." -William Faulkner (about
Ernest Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions
come from big
words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William
Faulkner)



"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll
waste no
time reading it."- Moses Hadas



"He can compress the most words into the smallest
idea of any man
I know."- Abraham Lincoln



"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice
letter saying I
approved of it." - Mark Twain


"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked
by his friends."
- OscarWilde


"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night
of my new play;
bring a friend... if you have one." - George
Bernard
Shaw to Winston Churchill



"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend
second . . . if
there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.



"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost
like having you
here." - Stephen Bishop



"He is a self- made man and worships his creator." -
John Bright



"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope
it's nothing
trivial."- Irvin S. Cobb





"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause
of dullness in
others." - Samuel Johnson


"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to
run up." - Paul
Keating


"There's nothing wrong with you that
reincarnation won't
cure."** - Jack E. Leonard**
** **


"He has the attention span of a lightning
bolt." - Robert
Redford


"They never open their mouths without
subtracting from the sum of
human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed


"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she
always yielded
easily."- Charles, Count Talleyrand


"He loves nature in spite of what it did to
him." - Forrest Tucker


"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope
without any address
on it?" - Mark Twain


"His mother should have thrown him away and
kept the stork."
- Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others,
whenever they
go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-
posts . . . for
support rather than illumination." - Andrew
Lang (1844- 1912)

"He has all of the morals of a dog in heat."-
Unknown
Source - (about a previous president.)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder





"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening but this
wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx

"She ran the gamut of emotion from A to B"

Mrs. Parker, IIRC.

Personally, I've alwas believed that if you cannot discuss someone's
heritage, parentage and destination without resorting to obscenity,
profanity or invective, you have a poor command of your native language.

On May 25, 11:08 am, Blanche > wrote:
> "She ran the gamut of emotion from A to B"
>
> Mrs. Parker, IIRC.
>
> Personally, I've alwas believed that if you cannot discuss someone's
> heritage, parentage and destination without resorting to obscenity,
> profanity or invective, you have a poor command of your native language.

Using your definition, poor command of the language is demonstrated
here often enough, isn't it?

"Tina" > wrote in message
...
> On May 25, 11:08 am, Blanche > wrote:
>> "She ran the gamut of emotion from A to B"
>>
>> Mrs. Parker, IIRC.
>>
>> Personally, I've alwas believed that if you cannot discuss someone's
>> heritage, parentage and destination without resorting to obscenity,
>> profanity or invective, you have a poor command of your native language.
>
> Using your definition, poor command of the language is demonstrated
> here often enough, isn't it?

I'm having a terrible time trying to feel sorry for Teddy Kennedy and his
present malady. He has, after all, lived a lot longer than did Mary Jo!
Me.

I preferred the list of Churchill insults that went some thing like:


Woman: "YOu sir are drunk"
Churchill "**** you bitch"

Aide: "Sir, if I might suggest an alternative course of action"
Churchill "You want my boot up your arse, poof?"


King George: It's inspiring to see the troops so hearty"
Churchill "What the **** would you know, poncey boi?"


An inspiring leader indeed.




Bertie

Blanche > wrote in news:1211728130.925888
@irys.nyx.net:

> "She ran the gamut of emotion from A to B"
>
> Mrs. Parker, IIRC.
>
> Personally, I've alwas believed that if you cannot discuss someone's
> heritage, parentage and destination without resorting to obscenity,
> profanity or invective, you have a poor command of your native language.
>
>

I can swear fluently in four.



Bertie

Bertie, you clearly have studied Sir Winston, in that you read between
his lines accurately.

But still, his insulting conventions are worth following because they
amuse the reader.



On May 25, 6:21 pm, Bertie the Bunyip > wrote:
> I preferred the list of Churchill insults that went some thing like:
>
> Woman: "YOu sir are drunk"
> Churchill "**** you bitch"
>
> Aide: "Sir, if I might suggest an alternative course of action"
> Churchill "You want my boot up your arse, poof?"
>
> King George: It's inspiring to see the troops so hearty"
> Churchill "What the **** would you know, poncey boi?"
>
> An inspiring leader indeed.
>
> Bertie

Tina > wrote in news:3187509d-daec-48d6-9db7-
:

> Bertie, you clearly have studied Sir Winston, in that you read between
> his lines accurately.
>
> But still, his insulting conventions are worth following because they
> amuse the reader.


Yeah, he was a fun guy. Just ask the antipodeans he got slaughtered at
Gallipoli, the Irish he murdered, the Iragis he murdered, The people of
Dresden, Hugh Dowding, etc etc....



Bertie

"Bertie the Bunyip" wrote:

>I preferred the list of Churchill insults that went some thing like:
>
>
> Woman: "YOu sir are drunk"
> Churchill "**** you bitch"
>
> Aide: "Sir, if I might suggest an alternative course of action"
> Churchill "You want my boot up your arse, poof?"
>
>
> King George: It's inspiring to see the troops so hearty"
> Churchill "What the **** would you know, poncey boi?"
>
>
> An inspiring leader indeed.

Haw-haw!

Beauties.

Bertie the Bunyip > wrote:
> Tina > wrote in news:3187509d-daec-48d6-9db7-
> :
>
>> Bertie, you clearly have studied Sir Winston, in that you read between
>> his lines accurately.
>>
>> But still, his insulting conventions are worth following because they
>> amuse the reader.
>
>
> Yeah, he was a fun guy. Just ask the antipodeans he got slaughtered at
> Gallipoli,

Actually, Kitchener was the one who had ordered the attack on Gallipoli,
and the one who was most responsible for arguing against an evacuation once
the attack bogged down. Yes, Churchill did fight against an evacuation too,
but by that time the decision was an army one, not navy. For that matter,
Kitchener was the one who sent the navy on its own to attack the
Dardanelles. And the local commanders, Carden and then de Robeck, who
showed remarkable lack of backbone. But there were many hands involved in
creation of such a disaster.

Who did what is covered in painstaking detail in David Fromkin's book "A
Peace to End All Peace - The fall of the Ottoman Empire and the creation of
the modern Middle East"

All that said, Churchill's WWI actions do appear to have been those of an
amoral pompous ass. But I think that made him one with the crowd in power
at the time - he didn't appear to be any different in these characteristics
than many of his peers.

Jim Logajan > wrote in
:

> Bertie the Bunyip > wrote:
>> Tina > wrote in news:3187509d-daec-48d6-9db7-
>> :
>>
>>> Bertie, you clearly have studied Sir Winston, in that you read
>>> between his lines accurately.
>>>
>>> But still, his insulting conventions are worth following because
>>> they amuse the reader.
>>
>>
>> Yeah, he was a fun guy. Just ask the antipodeans he got slaughtered
>> at Gallipoli,
>
> Actually, Kitchener was the one who had ordered the attack on
> Gallipoli, and the one who was most responsible for arguing against an
> evacuation once the attack bogged down. Yes, Churchill did fight
> against an evacuation too, but by that time the decision was an army
> one, not navy. For that matter, Kitchener was the one who sent the
> navy on its own to attack the Dardanelles. And the local commanders,
> Carden and then de Robeck, who showed remarkable lack of backbone. But
> there were many hands involved in creation of such a disaster.

No doubt about it, Kitchener would have been hung out these days for his
various roles in history.
>
> Who did what is covered in painstaking detail in David Fromkin's book
> "A Peace to End All Peace - The fall of the Ottoman Empire and the
> creation of the modern Middle East"
>
> All that said, Churchill's WWI actions do appear to have been those of
> an amoral pompous ass. But I think that made him one with the crowd in
> power at the time - he didn't appear to be any different in these
> characteristics than many of his peers.


Oh yeah. I agree. They were a pack of Imperialist hyenas. Not sure if
the word "peers" is one I'd use. not because it;s innacurate, but
because it tends to gloss over the savagery of those creeps.


Bertie



Bertie

"Tina" > wrote in message
...
> On May 25, 11:08 am, Blanche > wrote:
>> "She ran the gamut of emotion from A to B"
>>
>> Mrs. Parker, IIRC.
>>
>> Personally, I've alwas believed that if you cannot discuss someone's
>> heritage, parentage and destination without resorting to obscenity,
>> profanity or invective, you have a poor command of your native language.
>
> Using your definition, poor command of the language is demonstrated
> here often enough, isn't it?

Which one was it that went something like
"He's a moron studying hard to be a halfwit...and failing the course"?

and

"He think's he's a wit; but half right is better than totally wrong."

On Sun, 25 May 2008 22:21:27 +0000 (UTC), Bertie the Bunyip >
wrote:

>I preferred the list of Churchill insults that went some thing like:
>
>
>Woman: "YOu sir are drunk"
>Churchill "**** you bitch"
>
>Aide: "Sir, if I might suggest an alternative course of action"
>Churchill "You want my boot up your arse, poof?"
>
>
>King George: It's inspiring to see the troops so hearty"
>Churchill "What the **** would you know, poncey boi?"
>
>
>An inspiring leader indeed.
>
>
>
>
>Bertie

bertie stop aiming so low. you know you can hit it every time without
even aiming.

....the quotes arent even correct, unless we are thinking of a
different churchill.

"you sir are a drunk."
"madam tomorrow morning I will be sober, you will still be ugly."

the others? no you faked those.

"drink? I've got more out of the bottle than it has ever got out of
me"

On Sun, 25 May 2008 22:40:46 +0000 (UTC), Bertie the Bunyip >
wrote:

>Tina > wrote in news:3187509d-daec-48d6-9db7-
:
>
>> Bertie, you clearly have studied Sir Winston, in that you read between
>> his lines accurately.
>>
>> But still, his insulting conventions are worth following because they
>> amuse the reader.
>
>
>Yeah, he was a fun guy. Just ask the antipodeans he got slaughtered at
>Gallipoli, the Irish he murdered, the Iragis he murdered, The people of
>Dresden, Hugh Dowding, etc etc....
>
>
>
>Bertie

mere character building :-)

On Sun, 25 May 2008 15:38:32 -0700 (PDT), Tina >
wrote:

>Bertie, you clearly have studied Sir Winston, in that you read between
>his lines accurately.
>
>But still, his insulting conventions are worth following because they
>amuse the reader.
>
>
>

I see that the project to make him into a wit is only half
complete....

(as an example bertie ...as an example :-) )

Stealth Pilot

Stealth Pilot > wrote in
:

> On Sun, 25 May 2008 22:21:27 +0000 (UTC), Bertie the Bunyip >
> wrote:
>
>>I preferred the list of Churchill insults that went some thing like:
>>
>>
>>Woman: "YOu sir are drunk"
>>Churchill "**** you bitch"
>>
>>Aide: "Sir, if I might suggest an alternative course of action"
>>Churchill "You want my boot up your arse, poof?"
>>
>>
>>King George: It's inspiring to see the troops so hearty"
>>Churchill "What the **** would you know, poncey boi?"
>>
>>
>>An inspiring leader indeed.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>Bertie
>
> bertie stop aiming so low. you know you can hit it every time without
> even aiming.
>
> ...the quotes arent even correct, unless we are thinking of a
> different churchill.

No ****!

That's what he was thinking though...


Bertie

Stealth Pilot > wrote in
:

> On Sun, 25 May 2008 22:40:46 +0000 (UTC), Bertie the Bunyip >
> wrote:
>
>>Tina > wrote in news:3187509d-daec-48d6-9db7-
:
>>
>>> Bertie, you clearly have studied Sir Winston, in that you read
between
>>> his lines accurately.
>>>
>>> But still, his insulting conventions are worth following because
they
>>> amuse the reader.
>>
>>
>>Yeah, he was a fun guy. Just ask the antipodeans he got slaughtered at
>>Gallipoli, the Irish he murdered, the Iragis he murdered, The people
of
>>Dresden, Hugh Dowding, etc etc....
>>
>>
>>
>>Bertie
>
> mere character building :-)
>

Well, to you lot, maybe!

"Ya ain't a man till you;ve had yer bollox blown off, mate! "

Bertie

You must be a seniour to have only done a half-assed job! Stealth Pilot
was thinking very hard but lost his choo-choo train of thought while
whacking his pee-pee:
> I see that the project to make him into a wit is only half
> complete....

Bertie is a grrls name, if she wa 88!
Stealth Pilot formulated the following :
>> Bertie

> bertie stop aiming so low.

gregvk > wrote in
:

> Bertie the Bunyip > wrote in news:g1ehpq$qp2$1
> @blackhelicopter.databasix.com:
>
>> Stealth Pilot > wrote in
>> :
>>
>>> On Sun, 25 May 2008 22:21:27 +0000 (UTC), Bertie the Bunyip
>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>>>I preferred the list of Churchill insults that went some thing like:
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Woman: "YOu sir are drunk"
>>>>Churchill "**** you bitch"
>>>>
>>>>Aide: "Sir, if I might suggest an alternative course of action"
>>>>Churchill "You want my boot up your arse, poof?"
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>King George: It's inspiring to see the troops so hearty"
>>>>Churchill "What the **** would you know, poncey boi?"
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>An inspiring leader indeed.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Bertie
>>>
>>> bertie stop aiming so low. you know you can hit it every time
without
>>> even aiming.
>>>
>>> ...the quotes arent even correct, unless we are thinking of a
>>> different churchill.
>>
>> No ****!
>>
>> That's what he was thinking though...
>>
>>
>> Bertie
>
> I wonder if Churchill ever spent a whole day repeating everything
anyone
> said to him, using a sarcastic, falsetto tone. That would have been
> hilarious.
>

Hmmm, well he did die about the time Kenneth Williams became popular....



Bertie

clint > wrote in :

> Bertie is a grrls name, if she wa 88!


88 DD, in fact.




Bertie
> Stealth Pilot formulated the following :
>>> Bertie
>
>> bertie stop aiming so low.
>
>
>